Who Is Driving Your Bus? Reclaiming Your Joy Through Embodied Living

There was a moment, a few years back, where I realised…

I didn’t sing in the shower anymore.

I wasn’t noticing the glimmers — those small, beautiful moments that remind you you’re alive.

I felt resentful. On edge. Disconnected from myself.

I watched my husband go fishing, play cricket, do things for himself…

and something in me tightened.

I became bitter.

A little twisted, if I’m honest.

I was waiting.

Waiting for him — or someone — to do something that would make me feel loved, special, seen.

Buy me flowers.

The right flowers.

Those earrings I liked.

Plan a surprise dinner.

Tell me I’m beautiful.

And underneath it all was this quiet disappointment…

that it wasn’t happening the way I wanted.

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And then… something shifted.

Maybe it was a session with Denise.

Or a tune-up with Terri.

But somewhere in that time, I had a moment —

an awakening.

A realisation that landed deep in my body, not just in my mind:

Only I am responsible for my joy.

My pleasure.

My life.

A core truth of embodied living — that how life feels is something we actively participate in, not something we wait to receive.

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It started simply.

I bought myself flowers.

Sunflowers. Dahlias. My favourites.

Not the ones someone else chose…

but the ones I loved.

And something softened.

There was no disappointment.

No waiting.

Just… pleasure.

Then there was the Larimar.

I had been quietly hoping someone would gift me a piece.

Dropping hints. Holding that little expectation.

And then one day, I saw one I loved in Blue Water Gifts.

And it hit me —

I can buy this for myself.

So I did.

And it changed something in me.

It wasn’t just the stone.

It was what it represented.

A shift from waiting…

to choosing.

From outsourcing my happiness…

to reconnecting with my own sense of self.

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It unlocked an understanding that still lives in me now —

even though, at times, it slips quietly back into the depths

and I have to slow down and gently bring it back to the surface.

That understanding is this:

I am responsible for the way my life feels.

Not perfectly. Not all the time.

But in the small, everyday moments —

in how I choose to respond, to create, to connect.

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When I was 20, I did an NLP Practitioner training.

And there was a question that stayed with me:

“Who is driving your bus?”

Are you driving it…

or is someone else?

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Now, whenever I find myself slipping —

moping, waiting, feeling sorry for myself —

disconnected from my body or caught in old patterns of people-pleasing or resentment —

I hear it again.

Who is driving your bus?

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So this is your reminder.

Your permission.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself:

Who is driving your bus?

And if it’s you…

Where do you want to go?

What do you want to see along the way?

What colour is your bus?

What does it smell like?

What music are you listening to?

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Because this life…

this one, wild, fleeting, beautiful life…

is yours to feel.

To experience.

To be in.

Not just to move through on autopilot —

but to actually live.

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Live in your flow.

Choose the flowers.

Buy the thing that lights you up.

Create the moments you’ve been waiting for.

And if you’re ready to explore this more deeply —

to reconnect with your body, your pleasure, your sense of aliveness —

This is the work I hold space for.

Through movement.

Through presence.

Through remembering.

You don’t have to find your way back alone. 🌿